Encarnacion and Danilo's Story
Carrying Care Across Oceans: A Journey of Love and Quiet Sacrifice
*Audio clips are in Tagalog
I am Encarnacion Ignacio Remias. I am 78 years old. I live in Bellflower, CA, and I grew up in Sampaloc, Manila, Philippines. My mother was Spanish, and then, my father was from Bulacan.
I am Danilo Remias. I also live in Bellflower, CA. I am 81 years old. I also grew up in Sampaloc, Manila on Betina Street. My mother is from Pampanga. My father was from the province of Aklan in Visayas.
We have 4 kids, 3 boys and 1 girl, but they are adults now. 3 of our kids are in the Philippines, and they were left there, but we were able to bring one—our youngest—here to America when our petition was approved. We’ve been married for 56 years since October 5, 1968, and we immigrated to America [in 1995].
When we first arrived here, I (Mrs. Remias) used to cry nonstop before because I was questioning, “Why did they bring me to America? I left my other children and grandchildren in the Philippines.” Then, one of my nieces here suggested that we find a job”
At that time, we saw a “Wanted Caregiver” advertisement in the newspaper. We called the number, and they contacted us immediately because the owner of an adolescent facility in Pasadena was in desperate need of caregivers. When we went there, they interviewed us, and we showed our papers. We took a test to ensure we were qualified for the job. Although we didn’t pass the first time, we did so the second time round! We were able to start working in Pasadena, and we had 6 patients total, 3 for each of us. We worked full time. At first, it was really difficult, but once we were able to start earning money and helping our patients who needed care, we accepted and embraced the job wholeheartedly.
Our patients were adults who had physical and mental disabilities or were on the autism spectrum, but we were able to calm them down over time [by building a relationship with them]. In the beginning, they would hurt us, others, or themselves, but it is necessary to love/accept them wholly. As a result, our patients’ attitudes/behaviors changed; our social worker believed we upheld/exceeded the standards of caregiving.
During that time, we didn’t have any citations. We ensured to thoroughly document their medication intake and check that their schooling was going well. Because our patients had special needs, we helped them with eating, showering, bathing, and basic hygiene on a daily basis. Two of them were in wheelchairs, and we even changed diapers! We ensured that we were careful when doing such tasks, so that they weren’t getting hurt and felt that they were cared for. You provide them with everything. They all have different behaviors/needs, so we needed to adjust accordingly. We had to ensure that we kept a good eye on them too.
They used to punch me (Mr. Remias), so it was important to be fast when dodging them [*laughs*]! If you don’t watch them carefully enough, they’ll punch or lick you out of nowhere! I would also be the one to bring them to the doctor and the hospital when necessary. That was my job!
We worked at that facility for 7 years, but the reason it was only 7 years was because the facility was shut down. Despite this, being a caregiver was a huge milestone in our lives. We believed that it was important to take care of our patients, especially in America, where we felt people would typically turn a blind eye or abandon them. It was important for us to love them and tend to their needs. Because they couldn’t fend for themselves, we advocated for them through our service and work. It was our responsibility, and we truly loved our job. They aren’t capable of doing certain things on their own, so we wanted to be their support. All of them deserve human decency, support, and respect.
Through this job, we experienced the “American life.” It has its beauty and its pain. Gradually, life in America got better because we adjusted and because of our grandchildren! In both the Philippines and America, they are our sources of “kayamanan” (richness, fortune, wealth).
This is our experience, and we have undergone a lot throughout our lifetime. We are happy now. We experienced everything—pain, joy, sadness—they are all mixed together. Sharing our story is a way to stick to and get closer with my family. We love all our family members very much, and we pray for everyone regularly. We have kept all their pictures and gifts.
In regards to our familial values and faith, both had a huge effect on our treatment of others. When we were separated from our family in the Philippines, faith and family is what kept us together. Life was bearable because we faced it together. We value being humble and being guided by our faith. We always remember to stay grounded; don’t be prideful. Our lives have lengthened because of our experiences in caregiving and in remaining true to our beliefs—teaching kindness/care and serving others.
