Elena's Story*
Balancing Caregiving and Career:
A Filipino Nurse's Journey with a Mother's Dementia
*Name changed for privacy reasons
I am a registered nurse in Los Angeles. I graduated with a Bachelor’s in nursing in the Philippines and immigrated to the United States in 1995. I am Filipino and I am the eldest daughter in my family.
I’m taking care of my mom right now, she was diagnosed with dementia ten years ago. It became a struggle caring for her as the disease progressed and became severe over time. My mom immigrated to the United States in 2007.
My mom was very independent before her Alzheimer's disease, she took care of the things at the house like cooking, cleaning, and helping me with the household chores. But, as her dementia progressed, it impacted how she perceived things and hearself. The symptom that I noticed was the deterioration of her decision making skills. Her personal hygiene also deteriorated over time.
I first learned about dementia 10 years ago when I noticed my mom was unable to sleep and agitated with short term memory loss. She would always talk about and reminisce about the events that happened in the past. Such as the things that happened when she was young. When she talked, she kept repeating things in the past. She cannot remember any short term experiences anymore.
Since I am a registered nurse, I pretty much know about dementia because I used to work in nursing homes. I saw the deterioration of self care, like going to the toilet and showering. Now, I have to encourage my mom to take showers which is a big struggle. Later on, my mom became incontinent. Before, she was able to feed herself, but right now, I have to be next to her to make sure that she eats.
It’s a challenge taking care of my mom because of my work. I have to alternate with my sister taking care of her. I work in the morning and my sister works at night. So we can alternate caring for her, and someone’s always with her 24/7.We want to make sure that she eats and that there’s always someone around her so she’s safe. Pretty much making sure that her personal hygiene is there.
As for the resources I have to take care of my mother, she has a social worker that visits her once in a while, primary doctor, and neurologist that follows up with her medication. When it comes to her medication for her blood pressure and dementia, I’m primarily the main caregiver of my mom. Being a caregiver and balancing my work is a struggle because I need to fit in the time I need to be at home and at the same time taking care of her. It alters my personal space and time because when I go out I can’t stay out for too long and I can’t take too long of vacations because I need to keep taking care of her.
Especially when it comes to our Asian culture, sending your parents to nursing homes is not an option for us because we want to personally take care of our mom. My mom also doesn’t want to go to a nursing home, she actually wants to go back to the Philippines, but it’ll be a struggle to find a caregiver for her in the Philippines.
When I talk about my experiences to my family members, especially my brothers and sisters in the Philippines, it’s challenging. Working at the same time and taking care of my mom limits me to my time constraints and my siblings back home always tell me to be patient but it’s a struggle. Balancing your financial needs and taking care of my elderly mom has been a struggle for me.